Thankful for Suffering?

Things that I am thankful for today...

I am thankful for the turmoil experienced in marriage...the struggle...the low points...the time that our marriage bottomed out and appeared to be at the end. Because through this God preparing me to eventually understand that it is not in my spouse that I will find perfect love, security, happiness, meaning and fulfillment...it would be only in Him.

I am thankful for the losses...there have been deaths of those I loved, there was a death of a beloved church that ripped out our hearts, there were family members and friendships that moved away or just simply drifted away. In all of these events God began to teach me that all things on this earth are fragile and just a vapor in the wind. That He is the only One who never leaves nor forsakes.

I am thankful for the years of financial struggle...of feeling like we were living on the edge of bankruptcy...that at any moment everything would come caving in on us and that we would lose it all. Because of these struggles, God has taught me that there is nothing secure outside of Him. That He alone is my great Provider, He alone is my very great Reward.

I am thankful for the struggle that is parenting...for the many tears that I cried and for my failures as a mom. Because of this, God has taught me that my children are not my identity. That my children's successes and/or failures do not define me. He has taught me that only in Him can I find my identity. In my failures as a mom, I realize afresh that God's grace is so clearly at work in the lives of my children today...inspite of me, not because of me.

I am thankful for cancer diagnosis and the year of darkness, anxiety, and fear that followed. I am thankful for this especially because in truth it was one of the worst years of my life...but it was because of this very dark and very long year of wrestling with God, that later became the catalyst of surrender in my life. It was here that I began to understand very clearly that I had no control over my life, whether I lived or whether I died. It was here that I began to wrestle desperately against a God that had a will other than my own. It was in this darkness that I struggled with the God that I did not think was good, I did not think was love. Rather I wrestled with a God that I thought wanted to crush me, to ruin me, to destroy me.

And in some ways He did...because at the end of this time, He did crush me...I did give up...I came to Him completely empty, stripped of all that I had always looked to and held on to for my sources of happiness and life. And that's when it happened. It was then that I finally began to learn what life really was. It was only then that I was able to finally begin to have the eyes to see the One I had wrestled against for my entire existence. I began to see that He was good. Really, really good. I began to see that He loved me...really, really loved me. I began to understand that the cross was the greatest evidence of His love for me. I began to see the God who had seen every part of my dark heart...I began to see that this God had not left me because of my sinfulness but He had stayed with me.  In fact, that He was willing to wrestle with me meant He was actually very, very close to me all the time. I began to understand that God had so carefully orchestrated the removal of my idols...so that I could finally see Him. All those things that I had looked to before had been what blocked me from seeing the God who was with me all along. And it was through pain, and loss, and fear, and darkness that I was finally brought to place where I could begin to see, to know, to love the God who had loved me first.

So this is why I am so grateful for the pain, the losses, the darkness. Because through them God has brought me to the place where I simply long for God Himself and not His gifts. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for His gifts...every single one of them. But they are icing on the cake, because at my core my longing is for Him. He is the one my soul is yearning for. He is actually what I really need. And suffering teaches me that.

So if life isn't great for you right now, and your struggling to be thankful today, know that God knows. He sees you where you are. If your family is in a shambles...don't despair. If you're struggling with losses, don't lose hope. If your finances are a mess, or you received a diagnosis that terrifies you, and you are struggling against the darkness of anxiety and fear, please know this...that God is a good God. That He is for your good. And that He wants you to know Him. Look to Him. Ask Him to give you eyes to see Him in the midst of your suffering.

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. (Ps. 61:2)

~Cherie