I consider myself a gypsy. Yes, I know that I’ve lived in the same house since 1991, but I still feel that sense of rootlessness that has come from a childhood defined by constant moves. As evidence that the “gypsy-ness” is still quite alive in me...furniture is perpetually shifted around my house. Just ask Keith...who has had to come to my rescue on multiple occasions as I attempt to move something way too large for my own strength, and have gotten myself (and the rather large sofa) stuck.
During my childhood and into my college years, my family moved almost every 2 years, to a variety of states and 1 foreign country. The longest I lived in a single house was 5 years...that is until I met and married a hometown boy who had lived in the same house, gone to the same school and church for most of his life. It’s funny how your childhood shapes you...to live in a house for 24 years and still feel the sense of restless rootlessness seems like a strange thing. And yet it still is there.
With rootlessness comes a sense of not really belonging anywhere. No matter where you live, no matter what school you go to, no matter what church you become a part of you are always the outsider...the new kid. To be truthful, being the newbie comes with a brief period of popularity. You are somewhat of novelty for a short period of time. Everyone is excited with new faces but then that excitement soon fades, and you once again find yourself pushed to the outside. It’s always subtle and very unintentional on the part of the insiders. The shared histories, the constant conversations about people you don’t know, the memories you’re not a part of, friends that have been friends since nursery days, everyone related to everyone else, the inside jokes that have to be explained to you, all reinforce the truth that you don’t really belong.
The sense of never quite belonging has caused within my heart a deep longing for roots and for a place to belong and a people to identify with. I first thought if I could identify with a nationality, maybe that would help. I have a bit of Irish heritage in my blood, so I thought perhaps I could identify with the Irish people. But deep down inside I knew I was a fraud. I’m a melting pot of nationalities and it would be a fraud to try to identify with just one ingredient in that melting pot. I tried to find identity as a wife and a homeschooling mom...I tried to find my identity in churches that I attended...all my attempts to find and satisfy my longings for identity only left me feeling empty. Such an ache would grow in my heart each and every time I would find myself with a people and realize that once again I didn’t belong. Nothing, no church, no friend group would take away this ache. In fact, if I could be painfully honest, being in a Mennonite church only made it worse. History and heritage and who is related to whom are at such a premium in the Mennonite church, that these things can create barriers to those who don’t share that history or that heritage.
Those who take great pride in their roots and their heritage need to see what a stumbling block this can be and that the elevation of that heritage is idolatry. You are putting your identity, your worth, and your value in something that is perishable and is wasting away. It is a false god. God is calling you to something better! At the same time, I want to honestly admit that my LACK of identity, my lack of roots, my lack of heritage, had also turned idolatrous. I needed to allow God to break me down as well. The soul ache that I felt that was never satisfied no matter how I tried to fix it myself, needed to be given over to God. Never despise the pain points! Because it is the in the pain points that God reveals the idols in your heart. He wants to tear down them and replace them with Himself. Because He is such a faithful God...He did that very thing with my own deep longings. He began to graciously show me where I needed to put my identity and He showed me through the Bible...two places specifically that I would like to share with you.
First through the story of Abraham in Genesis 15. The Lord came to Abram and tells him “I AM your shield and your great reward.” But interestingly enough that wasn’t quite enough for Abram. He still wanted an identity in something else. He wanted an identity in children. So the Lord God took Abram outside his tent and pointed to the sky and said...see the stars, count them if you can. The number of the stars are the number of your offspring. The passage goes on to say that Abram believed God and it was counted to him as righteousness. We learn later in Scripture, that all those who, like Abraham, believe the promises of God are among those named as the offspring of Abraham. Those stars represented each of those who believed the promise of God which was fulfilled in Jesus Christ! I still remember a night when I was teaching that passage in Genesis in women’s Bible study. I was laying in bed unable to sleep, thinking about this scene, and suddenly it dawned on me that I was one of those stars. One of those stars that Abraham and the Lord were gazing at represented me, and I became overwhelmed with the realization that I do have roots. Some seriously deep roots. And those roots go so much deeper and are so much greater than being associated with a nationality, or a family name, or even a denominational group. They go all the back to the covenant God had with Abraham in Genesis 15! To this day I treasure the memory of that night, remembering the precious tears that ran silently down my face, as I finally understood what it meant to belong...to have roots...and to have found it in the Lord God!
1 Peter 2:9-10 is another place that God has graciously used to give me an identity and purpose that is unshakable. “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now have received mercy.”
I LOVE these verses! A chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation...literally we are chosen ethnic group that transcends any earthly ethnicity! No longer do I need to look for an identity in being Irish or German, or being Mennonite or Baptist. My identity is found in the fact that I belong to the people who belong to GOD! My identity is rooted totally and completely in belonging to Him. Reminds me again of what God said to Abram…”I AM your shield, your very great reward.” God was offering Abram an identity that would far outweigh the identity of being a father. Not only did God show me that I do have an identity as His very own possession, but He has given me purpose: To proclaim...to tell about with all my might….the excellencies of Him who called me out of darkness in His marvelous light. Why? Because once I didn’t have an identity. Once I was not part of a people, but now I am! Once I had not received mercy...but now, praise Jesus, I have received mercy! Honestly, there is no greater identity that to have your identity rooted deeply in God. There is no greater purpose that to have your purpose be to tell declare the excellencies of this amazing God!
If you are feeling the ache of not belonging, of not having roots, stop trying to fill the ache in your own way. Stop trying to build for yourself an identity. Allow God to expose the idols in your heart and fill it with Himself. He is your very great reward!
And for those who have put their identity in their nationality, their ethnicity, their heritage or their family name or historic denominations...or anything else...please know that these are all false identities. If this things are what you are staking your identity on then these are idols in your life. It is God and God alone that can give you an unshakable identity and purpose. Allow God to tear down your roots and your false identities, so that you can know what it means to find your identity in Him. For you too I have this message...HE and HE alone is your very great reward!
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