Facing One of My Idols

It's been 8 years since I heard the words that shook me to the core of my being, "You have melanoma." Even all these years later, with no recurrences, my twice a year doctor appointments cause a bit of anxiety in the pit of my stomach.

Today was such a day. As I sat in the car waiting to walk into the office, I rehearsed in my mind the words, "Be still and know that I am God" and allowed the knowledge that I have been able to learn about who this God is to wash over me in those moments. He is a good God who created good things for me. He is a God that I can trust and believe in, no matter what life brings to me. He is a God that is powerful and fierce, and yet loving and kind. He is a God that can be known and loved. He is a God that is relational and has made it possible for me to be in relationship with Him. And in that, He is a God who is jealous for me. He wants all of my love and will not share a place in my heart with any other gods. And while I love life and I love good health and desire it, it cannot be an idol in my life. But to be truthful, it has been.

Eight years ago, those words almost destroyed me because my idol of health and long life was being threatened. I felt fear like I have never experienced before and it gripped me in its choking hands for well over a year. It's only been in the past couple of years that I have been able to look back on that time and understand and face this sin in my life for what it is...idolatry.

But through the process of facing this sin head on and repenting of it, I am in awe once again of my amazing God and His profound grace in my circumstances. Because of His love for me and because of who He is, He doesn't let me remain as I am. He exposed my heart through this very painful experience...he allowed my health to be threatened and then through that graciously taught me that He is more precious than anything this life has to offer. In fact, He is still teaching me this. Every time I head to my doctor appointments with anxiety gnawing in my stomach, this lesson resurfaces anew, and I have another opportunity to go to God and remember that He is God. I have the opportunity to seek to know Him as the treasure that He is and to cling to Him, and to be reminded that no matter what happens in that office...be it good or bad...that He is good and that His mercies are new every day.

~Cherie