Dreams, Grace, and Repentance

Two different dreams, two nights in a row...I awakened from both exhausted. One dream humorous. One just plain frustrating. Both left impressions on me in the morning that I couldn't quite shake.

I'm not a person that puts stock in dreams. I don't try to figure them out or get them interpreted. In fact, I will be completely honest, I'm very cynical when it comes to dreams and finding meaning from them. Mostly because I have seen people use dreams that they have had and their supposed interpretations in wicked and manipulative ways that have been destructive and hurtful to many around them. Dream interpretations are like pulling out the "God Card." "God told me to _____" shuts down any and all conversation ~ who can stand in the face of God? But in my observation, more often than not, it appears to be a manipulative way to get one's own way.

In spite of my cynicism, I have been reflecting on my dreams of the past two nights. Not on the dreams themselves, but how I FELT in both of the dreams. In both dreams (the humorous one and the not so humorous one), I was feeling frustrated, out of control, and exhausted. Hmmm, out of control, that is interesting! I hate feeling out of control. My dreams are exposing the sin in my heart that I thought recently had been defeated. Well, maybe not defeated, but certainly contained.

There have been many wonderful things that have been happening recently to me. Truly incredible. Almost unspeakable. God has been working in such beautiful ways over the past few months, deepening my knowledge of Him, my awareness of His presence. I have seen Him move mountains and work miracles unlike any other season in my life. And yet, simultaneously, there have also been incredible struggles, surprising turns of events, losses, difficulty and uncertainty.

In spite of all that God is doing to show me how faithful He is, in spite of the increase in my trust in Him and the increased confidence I have that no matter where the future takes me, He is with me, I am becoming aware that I am still internally battling the feelings of being out of control and my desire to control my own life and my future. As I sit here reflecting on these things and writing down my thoughts, I am just melted at the kindness of God to me even today. Isn't His grace so incredibly amazing? Think about it...How we will we ever be set free from sin that enslaves and exhausts us if we never even know it's there? God's amazing grace exposes the sin buried so deep within us that we may not even be aware it is there so that we can repent and turn to Him for forgiveness and healing and sweet rest.

So today, once again, I lay down control of my life, my circumstances, my future. I lay it all down at the feet of Jesus who upholds the entire universe by the word of His power, and I chose to rest in His grace, in His forgiveness, in His care. He is faithful and He is good.