The year 2025 broke me and I am not sorry to see it come to an end! As I sit here on this last day of one of the darkest and most painful years of my life reflecting on all that has happened, I find that today I am sorrowful yet rejoicing. Sorrowful because of the pain, suffering, and loss…rejoicing because before this year I had only heard of the goodness of the Lord…but now my eyes have seen Him.
What did I see? My eyes saw that while God is the sovereign King over all things, and in His sovereignty indeed orchestrated every single moment of this year, He is also MY sovereign King, personally designing each moment SO THAT I would see and know Him in ways I desperately needed.
The Bible tells us that God hears the cries of His people. He sees them in their affliction and He acts to deliver them. I have heard this of God. I have believed it was true…for others. But not for me. My lifelong battle with shame has always put me on the outside of God’s delight. I know that His love for me was greatly displayed on the cross, that I was a recipient of that love and a member of His kingdom. But somehow, I remained just on the edge, hiding behind everyone else; hoping to be seen by Him, but afraid to be seen by Him. Longing for His affection, but afraid of His rejection.
But this year all that has changed…because I see for the first time and believe that God is truly for me.
I saw…
Every prayer I prayed in the darkness of night, He heard;
…every tear I cried, He saw and was collecting in a bottle.
The Lord knew my affliction and He rose up to deliver me,
…unworthy as I am.
When others accused me, the Lord was my defender.
When others rejected me, the Lord took me in and wholly accepted me.
I was crushed, and in His kindness He has set about restoring the pieces of my soul.
The shame that has enveloped me has begun to lift under His care.
In my confusion and despair, He did not accuse me or condemn me, but helped orient me to what is true…about my circumstances, about me, and about Himself.
He was with me in the fire and I was not burned. He held me tightly when the waters of suffering overwhelmed me, and I was not swept away.
Yes, 2025 broke me, but I have seen the God who sees me and has compassion and care for me. That has changed everything! And in this I rejoice.
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