Learning through a Fast

For the first time in my life I decided to give up something for Lent, at the encouragement of my church. When I was thinking through what to "give up," I knew that I wanted to give up something that would provide a void in my life specifically to allow room for God to work in my heart during this season before Easter. The first thing that came to my mind was ... Facebook, however, I didn't immediately commit to actually doing this, but instead wrestled it out inside for several weeks (huge sign that this was exactly the thing for me to give up). Eventually I surrendered and on Ash Wednesday, or rather, "Fat Tuesday" I signed off Facebook until after Easter. Can I just say... this Facebook fast is WAY harder than I thought it was going to be?!

Remember my point of choosing to fast from facebook ~ to create space in my life for God to work? Well, since I've started this facebook fast, I've joined twitter and started blogging! I check the news throughout the day. I read other people's blogs. I check my email a million times. This past weekend I realized that I'm attempting to fill this void in my life instead of allowing it to remain....allowing myself to feel the emptiness. I'm uncomfortable in this void, and when I'm uncomfortable, I seek to comfort myself.  Am I spending time with God? Yes. Is He working in my heart during this time? Yes, to a point.  Are facebook, twitter, blogging wrong? No.What's wrong is what is going on in my soul. I'm hiding from God.

Genesis 3:8 says, Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. I feel like I'm involved in a game of Hide & Seek with God. I seek after Him, longing to be with Him, but as soon as I "hear him walking in the garden in the cool of day,"  I immediately go into hiding.

Genesis 3:9-10 continues... "But the Lord God called to the man, 'where are you?'  He answered, 'I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.'"  I need to ask myself, what am I afraid of?

I'm afraid to face the silence, the void, the uncomfortable space. I'm afraid of what I will see and learn about myself in the light of God's holiness. I know from past experiences, that God's chiseling of my heart always brings about good in my life, but there's also always pain in it. And I do not enjoy pain. I want just enough God to make myself feel good, but not enough God to change me.

But that's not good enough for God. He is inviting me into a real and life-transformational relationship with Him ..."But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine."  (Isaiah 33:18-19) I know that this verse is talking specifically to Israel, but I also think that the principal applies to me ... God's unfailing love for me seeks to deliver me from spiritual death and from spiritual famine, and He has gone through great lengths to do that - first on the cross and second in His tireless pursuit of my heart.

And so, I will come out of hiding and surrender. I surrender to the Lover of my Soul who seeks to shape me  and change me into His image and  I wait in hope for Him, for He is my help and my shield. In Him my heart rejoices, for I trust in His holy name. May His unfailing love rest upon me, even as I put my hope in Him."

 ~ Cherie